Expect the Unexpected Part 1
A Personal Story of Perseverance.
University. Academia. Achievement. Goals. Bettering yourself. All of these words can become synonymous with success for a young adult ready to take on the “real world” as they pursue their dream jobs through our education system. But for some of us, that story doesn’t end when we turn twenty-one, and sometimes it doesn’t even start there. No, mine is the story of one such anomaly who decided to pursue university the long way around the block.
As much as I loved the crisp air of September/October hitting my face as I paced towards a new building, and hoping it was the one I was meant to be in for class, I paused to glance at my surroundings. Most people, albeit not all, were young, vibrant, expectant, and oozing optimism. I found myself not quite matching the scenery as I continued my quick-paced jaunt towards my classroom’s door. Brushing off my initial nerves of being a mislaid puzzle piece, I had situated myself in a desk towards the back of the room, coffee firmly grasped in hand, sighing relief that I was not the last one in, nor was I late.
My first day of school had begun, but I didn’t realize that this first day would be dragged out again over many years to come.
Before I get ahead of myself, some backstory:
I was an A+ student growing up. My GPA was usually quite close to a 4.0, and I was expected to go into a prestigious four-year university right out of high school. I had much expected of me, but then the unexpected happened.
The summer before I entered high school, my father turned himself in for embezzlement to the astonishment of many, including my mother. The consequences, though through an act of true humility and wanting to make things right, caused a severe shift in all of our lives.
The trajectory I was once on came to a screeching halt. Everything that was a security was at once ripped away and I was left to wonder what had happened, why I was in this circumstance, and how was I supposed to deal with it all. What was I supposed to do with my life?
My cheerleader and #1 hero, my father, was all of a sudden absent from my life due to paying the price for his actions. My mother and I were never on the same page, and my sister was more my enemy than anything else. I felt utterly alone and confused. In the midst of all this turmoil, I was supposed to figure out in the next few years what I wanted to pursue in life. I lacked both the stamina, willpower, and direction I needed to move forward.
After high school, I didn’t have the drive I needed to pursue a degree or an education for myself. I became lazy and content with the idea of marrying my high school sweetheart and just becoming an extension of him. My identity was lost in the people around me, and I had this nagging that something wasn’t quite right, but I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time.
I worked while simultaneously attempting college at the same time, only to traipse into one subject after another with no real aim. My family was struggling once again, and while my father was back in my life, he was broken and healing as much as possible while still attempting to be the person I once saw in him.
Then, once again, my life was turned upside-down. My relationship with my high school sweetheart ended bitterly, and in one of my final escapades towards classes ticking boxes in an attempt to “be something,” my father was loosing a battle with early-onset Alzheimer’s. After taking my finals for the semester and being stricken with grief, I gave up school and any form of education and began my career as a blue-collar worker.
I have struggled with prestige for a good portion of my life, and school was something I wanted to attain originally for status, not interest or gain in knowledge.
The questions plaguing my mind gained fluidity and began to overwhelm me: What happened to that underdog moment where I returned to face and conquer my trials? Aren’t I going to come back, after doing things the wrong way, and use the talents and trainings I was given by others who invested in me? Why take the long road?
These questions I would address in time, but first and foremost the one that became primary was why does it matter?
This is the question I grappled with over many years…the blood, sweat and tears type. And this is the question I sat with and considered as I began my journey in this crazy chaotic thing we call life and strived to search for where I belonged in this colossal universe. Perhaps, like me, you too will find the answers in the unexpected.
つづく
